A Road of Learning

Written by an Arms of Love foster dad:

“As a dad in foster care, it’s been a road of learning. All the placements we have had didn’t have dads in the picture. As a result, the kids attached to me faster than they did to my wife. They also acted out stronger and more often with me than my wife. For those that use the enneagram, I am a ‘2w3’ which has been described as ‘more energetic and outgoing than average. They use this energy to do-more and help-more, in a way not many other types could compete with,’ and this description fits me. Even before foster care, some of my friends referred to me as ‘super dad’ working full time, a small group leader at church, on the worship team and working at projects at home. There never is a lack of effort or energy to make the best life I can for my family. But in foster care, this wasn’t enough. I was really struggling that my level of effort did not correlate with a decrease in tantrums. Or the more I showed love and attention did not stop the acting out. It was in this struggle that our licensing worker Lauren really helped. One of the reasons we licensed with ABCS was because they are a faith organization, and I don’t think we could do what we do without prayer and that support. Lauren came for a home visit and as I sat there bemoaning that I wasn’t ‘getting through’ to these kids, she gently reminded me that these kids are [hurting]. Their history is more than kids should have to bear, they are broken and the only one who can fix them is Jesus. It doesn’t stop us from working and striving to help them and keep them loved and safe, but it does take the pressure off of us. When she prayed for us before leaving that visit, it made a world of difference to know that we aren’t alone in what we do and to be mindful that God works for us more than we work ourselves to help the foster kids in our lives.”